My fears...

As I laid in the hospital bed I couldn't catch a deep breathe...I felt like I was drowning, I could actually hear the fluid in my lungs. I felt hot and clammy and so dizzy, looking at her little face mad me so scared. I felt like I was dying...I had my first full blown anxiety attack. I told him to put her back in the baby case, to take her back to the nurses, I needed to escape but how could I escape this enormous heavy body, I felt the pain rippling through my gut. Damn it hurt but I needed to get up...I was dying.

"I have fluid in my lungs, I swear I can't breathe!" as the tears streamed down my face I was trying to catch a deep breath but I couldn't. The nurses looked at me like I was crazy and said they called the doctor however they didn't even attempt to check me to see if I had any fluid in my chest. So I sat there quietly sobbing trying to breathe all while he was trying to comfort me but not knowing what to do.

It all seems so far away, like it was someone else's life not my own but since that day on she has caused me a dread and fear within my gut. I have continued to experience although not as bad as that day in the hospital but whenever I have to take her to the doctor or even the topic of her having issues with her teeth.

Baby girl had soft teeth, or lack of teeth enamel so when her baby teeth came in they were soft to the touch. I remember wiping them with a wash cloth and felt them, they were soft not like normal teeth. This started the painful and traumatizing fear she has with doctors/dentist. I feel guilt although there is nothing I could have done to prevent them. There are some speculation or even straight dismissal that soft teeth exists but it does.