In circles

As much as I want to say the positive vibe has stayed and my life is full of sunshine and daises it has come to a halting stop, actually it's slammed head on into the wall. But realistically speaking it's more like running in circles going nowhere. The movements are fierce but the actual progress is none to nil. So I keep trudging on even though I so want to jump off this wheel and head for the hills, the beach, on a one way plane just outta here from my life. So I regress and complain and whine about how pitiful and lame my life is, how the daily drudgery that is my life sucks out all the hope I may have. No matter how much joy and enthusiasm I try to muster up each day it is all sucked out by what is the living parasites I call my children and my mother. Yes I do love them but the reality is I have to solve every one's problems, find something that is missing (even though its right in front of their eyes), to bake the weekly bread, to bake my mom's bread, to volunteer in class, to stay after and help, to make dinner, to pay the bills, to get our papers as well as my mom's to file taxes, to look in the ad's to find sales for groceries, to stock up on the necessities (even those I don't eat), to find ways to keep the house running, to pick up and put away things otherwise our home could be featured on hoarders. So I muster up enough energy to stay positive, in the present, to stay afloat in this chess pool that is my life. Yeah I'm bitchy and negative and most likely PMSing out but I guess it's better to rant and rave here than at my children. Gawd my life sucks....yeah I know it doesn't but for these few hours it does. (Sigh)I'm off to conquer my next goal...dinner.