Music

I have forgotten how much I love music, they way it sooths me, the way the words express what is in my soul. It seems I had lost all aspects of my being including the emotions I feel from music. Currently I'm listening to my collection of music on my laptop and can't understand why I didn't turn on the volume and push play. Yes I'm enjoying music again...I feel alive, I feel happy. Listening to the music I want to dance, my body moves, I sway, my legs tap...I'm singing.

Being depressed really did suck out every aspect of my life. It seems strange but your are a prisoner in your own body, where you cannot control the deep darkness that grabs a hold of you, the energy and life leaves you deflated and hopeless. But you know you shouldn't feel this way but no matter how hard you try to pull yourself out of the darkness its useless. It is a scary place to be full of uncertainty and pain. You feel pathetic for feeling this way but you cannot change it...you do try but it doesn't go away only when it is ready to. I don't know if my grief ran its natural course or its the vitamins I'm taking but I'm back. I don't want to say all is well but I've felt happy, real joy and I laughed. It's been slow but this entire week I've felt happiness....yes real happiness where I feel it through out my entire body. Something I haven't felt in a very long time. I'm happy.